MrsHughey.com

Funny work stories

I only work until 12 most days. so there's usually not much to tell. But every once in a while I'll have a funny anecdote to share with Andrew over lunch. Or something will remind me of how the people at work (either readers, staff or tourists) tend to react to a certain situation. When that happens, Andrew inevitably laughs and says, "See! Why don't you put that on your web site!?". But it never seems good enough to build an entry around. So I thought I'd gather up a few insights and anecdotes for you.

Unfortunately, some of these require setup, so bear with me.

ANECDOTE 1

As a porter, I am part of the janitorial staff. Our home base is on the ground floor of the New Bodleian library in the delivery bay. It's part of our job to deliver packages around the library, so those who aren't on "points" (security duty) around the library are generally in there awaiting package arrival. The main employee entrance to the library is about 20 yards away.

In order to get both in AND out of the employee entrance (and lots of other places in the library), you have to have a key. The "stack key" is pretty much standard issue for new employees. The door, however, also unlocks (from either side) with a swipe of your employee ID, which all employees are supposed to have on them at all times.

Recently the lock on the inside of the employee door broke. So you had to use your ID card to get out through the main employee door of the library. Not surprisingly, this caused mass chaos among the luddite library employees. Within minutes, they were scrambling to the delivery by trying to use our door, which is supposed to be reserved for disabled readers, heavy loads and deliveries.

My manger, Mike, freaked out when people started parading through the delivery bay to get out of the library. He pulled them aside and chided them for not using the swipe card system to unlock the door. So here is one of the library bigwigs, and Mike is like, "Excuse me! You can't come through here!".

They got all flustered and said, "Well, the lock on the door is gone!"

"Well you should have your swipe card!"

"I've left it on my desk" (various other excuses came from others; they were colorful and hilarious, especially coming from the supposed managers of the library who were caught not following procedure).

So Mike would insist they go get their cards. If the card didn't work, they had to come to the delivery bay and have it re-coded, then exit through the proper door. He guarded the delivery bay door like a police dog. Anybody who came through got a good chewing out.

The lock was fixed within a couple of days, but, as a matter of principal, has been left off the door to insist that employees use the door properly. Most recently, the lock on the OUTSIDE of the door has also been removed, so we have to use our cards to get both in AND out.

Now it's gotten even funnier, as employees wait at the doorway (sometimes a pile of them inside and a pile of them outside) until an employee comes who has a card and knows how to swipe it (it's really not hard!). They have learned, at least, not to go through the delivery bay.

ANECDOTE 2

When I'm on point, I often read a book. I've learned to read, as Stephen King says, in "sips" rather than "gulps," so I can still do my job well and get quite a bit of reading done. I'm quite friendly to the readers, so sometimes they will comment to me about what I'm reading.

Most recently, I read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Tolkein was an Oxford academic at the time he wrote all four of those books, so I got quite a few gems. Mostly, people asked if I'd read it before. The older readers - mostly academics themselves - would often say in very stilted Oxford accents, "Oh, Tolkein! How lovely!" or something like that.

One guy actually admitted to not liking the books. He said all his friends love them, but he'd never been able to finish one. I told him I was really enjoying them, even more so than my first read of them, but that I did see how somebody might now like them. He said he'd been unable to read past the birthday party (uh - that's like chapter 1, folks) because he found it so tedious. I laughed and told him that, while I thought it was an excellent story, I thought Tolkien probably could have used a lot less words to tell it. He looked around, smiled, laughed and said, "Oh, God! Don't let anybody at Magdalen College hear you say that!"

Another reader, one of several who is in every single day in the morning, suggested I listen to an old radio drama version of the books, and carried on about his great disappointment with the film versions. There was no discussing it with him, either - the films were not worthy.

Some readers will check on my progress with me. A few would come in after not seeing me for a few days and ask how the books were going or which one I was on. I find this really nice.

The funniest comment I've gotten about this book, for some reason, was this old lady - the epitome of the Oxford Academic - whom I see frequently. She came in, saw what I was reading, and her eyebrows shot up. "Ooh, Tolkien!" she exclaimed. I thought she was going to say she knew the guy or something, but she mumbles for a few seconds and finally says, "You know, I must admit I've never read him." LOL.

ANECDOTE 3

This is an embarrassing story about something I did. An older man who is in a lot came down from the reading room close to closing time. I was in the proscholium at the time, which normally has a porter on each end. Since the other porter was on his tea break, I was watching both sides (standard procedure). After he came down, the man told me he just wanted to go to the other side to get his macintosh.

I, in my infinite wisdom of British culture, start carrying on about how it's no problem "as long as it's a Mac". I almost said something about having a Mac myself. I did say something about how great they are. I thought about insulting Windows at that point, but didn't.

All the time, I'm watching the man walk over to to coat rack area and put on his raincoat. Funny, I don't seem to see a computer anywhere. And, hey, isn't it kind of a bad idea to leave your computer down there unattended? I mean, it's relatively safe, but . . .

All this is going through my little brain when he turns to leave (seeming rather put off by my enthusiasm). It is only then that it dawns on me that he was referring to his raincoat (sometimes called a "macintosh" in British English). I was talking about Apple Computers. Doh!

ANECDOTE 4

There are two points in the library where you get tons of tourists: the divinity school and the exhibition room. Fortunately, they are both open to the public. Obviously, all the points get their fair share of people wandering over and trying to see the library, but those are the only two points where we don't turn them away.

Here are some of the questions I've answered:

- Where is the library?
- Where are the books? (one of the most common questions; it is somewhat strange that you walk into the library and there are no books, no desks, and no students visible; all are upstairs in the reading rooms, where tourists are not allowed to go gawk at them while they work - unless they pay £3.50 for the guided tour)
- (under the sign "Tour Tickets Available here") Is this where I get tour tickets?
- (after my explanation about how all people who enter the library must have a valid card stating they are allowed in) Is there any way you can just let me in anyway/make an exception in my case/give me a tour yourself?
- So this is the Divinity School? What did they teach here?
- "You know back in the old days people used to study what they call rhetoric? What's that mean?" (after explaining) "Ooh, right. . . and why would they need to study that?"

and, my personal favorite (and very common)

- Wait! Are you - American!?

ANECDOTE 5

This follows nicely from the above. At all public points, I get a lot of second looks because I am American. There are very, very few of us working in the library. And I'm the only American porter. Here are some of the questions I get asked most commonly on point:

- Are you American?
- Where are you from?
- Florida, huh? You must hate the weather here.
- Are you a student?
- Are you sure they were allowed to hire you? You're not nearly as old/manly/bearded/grumpy as the other porters (actually, there are at least 3 other female porters, and most of the porters are really nice).
- What are you reading?
- Can my mom/brother/best friend/dog come into the library with me without a pass?
- Am I allowed to bring my groceries in with me?
- Am I allowed to bring books in with me?
- Oh, I've never seen you before. You must be new. (Not really - I've worked there since October)
- Hey! Aren't you Mrs. Hughey of www.mrshughey.com? Wow! I love your site! Can't wait until your novel comes out! (HA! Just kidding!)

Questions I thought I'd get a lot, but never do:
- Does Chelsea Clinton come in here a lot?
- How do I find the book I want?
- Where is X landmark in Oxford? (although I have been asked for directions to the nearest stationer, optician and restaurant)
- Where are some good places to visit in Oxford?
- Harry Potter questions. Sometimes people will ask if it was filmed there (yes, much of it was), but that's not even that common.

Posted by Erin at March 8, 2003 06:40 PM