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The Oxford Outsider's Guide to English Tempers

**Note - the Oxford Outsider's Guide is written by an American living in Oxford whose husband is a post-graduate student. This guide is intended for entertainment value and, if you want, a little information. It should not be used as a basis for selecting a college or for a decision about applying to Oxford. The guide is written by an Oxford newcomer and meant simply to convey things as I see them.**

The legend of the tweed-clad, cane-wielding stuffy Englishman is alive and well in Oxford. Most of the world sees the English as stuffy, standoffish, and meticulously polite. To a degree, this is true. The English idea of personal space, for instance, is similar to that in the United States (i.e. they need more than most Europeans). Thus, you're not likely to be pushed or bumped on the streets here (except in London). People go about their business relatively oblivious to those around them.

As their reputation suggests, the English are usually very polite in that they say "please" and "thank you" constantly (though "you're welcome" is not a part of their vernacular - and I'm not being sarcastic about that). I have found the English to be wonderful and kind friends. However, if you are a stranger - even if you're an English stranger - the English are likely to be downright rude at times. This is especially true if you don't know the rules to the given situation you are in; and there are rules to EVERY situation in England!

The first place you might notice that English are not as polite - or at least as outwardly friendly as Americans is when in the presence of any Englishman performing a service. Americans may not realize it, but we are known as being exceedingly friendly folk. You know how, in America, if you go into a restaurant you have a server who is chatty and checks on you regularly? Well, in England, you have a server. They'll take your order and bring you your food when it comes. When you want to leave, if you ask they'll bring you the bill when they can. (See my OOG on Dining for more on that.) They're not chatty or overly-friendly. The same goes for shops. Whereas in America you'll be greeted and asked if you can be helped, here you'll have to seek out help. This sort of follows the idea that the English are "standoffish," but I admit it surprised me a bit at first.

About the only think you can talk to a stranger about in England is the weather. Believe me, talking about the weather gets old quickly. During one of our International Student orientation meetings, a woman put it this way: If an Englishman gets on a train, he's more likely to go all the way to the back of the car and take the one empty row than to sit in a seat next to someone else. He might even stand rather than sit next to a stranger. If he does have to sit next to someone he doesn't know, he won't make eye contact or talk to them - unless the train breaks down or is delayed. Then they'll grumble about the unreliable train system or possibly discuss the weather. I'm pretty comfortable with this, actually, as I'm dreadfully shy around strangers. But it's something you should know about if you're an American headed to England. The idea of the talkative American tourist striking up a conversation with the locals is a common one here - some love it, but many find it very irritating.

The brassy behavior of the English goes way beyond personal space and the "ask if you need assistance" attitude. If you don't know the rules for a given situation, you are quite likely to find yourself scolded by somebody who does. Most of the time, you don't know this person, but they'll tell you in rather terse terms what you've done wrong. One example is driving. If a cyclist or driver does something that another driver finds bothersome, the annoyed person is very likely to open their window and shout at the offender. Often, bicyclists and bus drivers have big arguments at bus stops over who owns the road. The cyclist will stand on his bike next to the open bus door shouting at the driver while the driver, from his seat, shouts right back.

Another good example of this scolding is in my very own job as porter at the Bodleian. I am very, very friendly and chipper as a porter and, as a result, get almost no problems from our patrons. My coworkers, however, often have a more English attitude. Here is a very typical example of scolding: Let's say you are coming into the New Bod to do some work. You've been in the other areas of the central library before and know their rules, but haven't been in the New Library before. Since you're busy thinking about the work you are going to be doing, you don't pay much attention to the signs as you enter (there are so many, after all!), you show your required ID to get in, and proceed into the library. As soon as you turn to go, the porter behind the desk starts shouting at you, "You've got to give me your bag!" You turn around, apologize, and immediately hand over the required bag. But it's not over. The porter will very likely now chastise you for your idiocy. "What makes you think you can take that bag in there? Says right there you've got to give me your bag."

One more example of scolding that I saw recently illustrates that often the person being scolded didn't really even do anything wrong. It's really the tone that makes it seem like you're getting in trouble. As we boarded the bus recently, a teenager in front of us was buying a ticket. She requested a half-fare, which kids under 16 get on fares during certain times of day. The bus driver said, "How old are you?" "Sixteen." "Well, you can't have half fare anymore. Only under 16. Doesn't matter, it's after 6 anyway." He sounded annoyed. She replied, "Well, I only turned 16 on December 29. This is my first time on the bus since." He, ever more irritated, said, "It doesn't matter now! I was only telling you!" They sort of scolded each other.

It's not just the person "in charge" who might scold you, either. Yesterday a fellow passenger on the bus scolded a woman for carrying a lot of bags which he felt took up too much room (although the bus was far from full). The conversation ended with the scolded party saying, "I paid for a ticket!" and the scolder saying, "So did I, madame!" and walking off with a flourish.

There is yet one more level of ire in the English temperament which rarely, but dramatically rears its head: the public feud. About once a month, Andrew and I will be walking down the street, when suddenly we'll see two people having a huge, screaming argument. It's usually a couple and often the woman is pushing the man around. There's lots of cussing and yelling. More often than not, they've got friends around trying to separate them. It sounds terrible, but it's actually quite hilarious and entertaining to watch (think "Jerry Springer" only live and real). Most recently, two teenagers were fighting near our bus stop. She was absolutely SCREAMING at him about his family being a mess, him being a drug addict, his mother being a prostitute. Her friend finally pushed her onto the bus and left him in the sidewalk with his friends, but she did not stop. As her friend paid their bus fare, she continued SCREAMING at him through the bus windows and he continued screaming back! She even tried to operate the emergency door open on the bus' rear door to go give him some more! The funniest part was that she sat down RIGHT next to this 20-something man who was looking down at the floor pretending not to listen. Half of the bus was doing the same and laughing. I could barely contain myself watching this poor man try to keep from laughing. The girls got off a few stops later and the entire bus started snickering.

So don't let 'em fool you. The English are NOT a passionless bunch. Expect to be scolded when you first try things here, but don't take it personally. Don't expect your server or your cashier to be your buddy. And keep your eyes open for the occasional fight when their emotional kettles start to boil.

Posted by Erin at January 9, 2003 05:10 PM