MrsHughey.com

The Oxford Outsider's Guide to British Profanity and Slang

**Note - the Oxford Outsider's Guide is written by an American living in Oxford whose husband is a post-graduate student. This guide is intended for entertainment value and, if you want, a little information. It should not be used as a basis for selecting a college or for a decision about applying to Oxford. The guide is written by an Oxford newcomer and meant simply to convey things as I see them.**

An additional IMPORTANT NOTE on this entry - It WILL contain profanity and language which may offend some readers. The entry will contain a frank and honest discussion of the speaking habits of locals. Therefore, there'll be potty words. If this bothers you, PLEASE do not read on! If you want to brave seeing some potty words as you scroll down the page, there is a section on regular slang about half way down under another all-caps portion of the entry. If you look for the ****** stars and all caps, you can start reading there again without cursing. It's "safe" to read all of the all caps messages.

AGAIN, IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY OFFENDED BY THE USE OF PROFANITY, CUSSING, SWEARING, OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, I BEG YOU NOT TO READ THE CURSING PORTION OF THIS ENTRY. IT IS MEANT TO BE LIGHT-HEARTED AND FUNNY, BUT YOU WILL CERTAINLY BE OFFENDED AND I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT BECAUSE YOU WERE WARNED!

Are you sure you want to keep reading? Cause, seriously, I'm going to type naughty words! So be sure! Be very sure!

Okay, now on with the entry. I had read before moving here that the Brits have potty mouths. They weren't kidding! The "f"s fly around here left and right! And of course there are uniquely English curses and turns of phrase. Sometimes you have to watch what you say or, alternatively, may simply confuse someone you really wanted to piss off. Two examples:

1. Everyone knows about this one, but it's a valid example. You call someone a fag (btw, I would seriously NEVER do this because I think that is a really ugly thing to call someone and I think that it's pretty much just like using the "n" word if you're not a part of that culture. Shut yo mouth!). Everyone knows that "fag" in the UK means a cigarette, so, for one thing you're not really doing a very good job insulting them. Having said that, though, there are tons of Americans here and our culture is so pervasive that they WOULD probably get your drift and then, rightly, kick your scrawny American ass.

2. In an attempt to be tasteful, you ask the salesperson if "these pants" make your "fanny" look big. Knowing you are a dumb American, she will forgive you and say "no," but you HAVE just asked her a question relating to your vagina, not your arse. In addition, while you may think you were asking her about the jeans you're trying on, you actually asked her about underpants. So, essentially, you asked the girl if your vagina looks big in those panties. Tasteful, indeed!

NOTE- THE SWEARING GETS MUCH WORSE FROM HERE, SO STOP READING IF PROFANITY UPSETS, DISTURBS, OR BOTHERS YOU IN _ANY WAY!!_ AND RESUME READING AT THE NEXT ALL-CAPS SECTION.

In addition to some American dirty words being clean and vice-versa, there are different degrees of hierarchy for profanity here. In the US, you've got your "f" word right up on top - king of swears. Well, I guess "mother fucker" is really the worst of the worst, but certainly "fuck" is the baddy there. Under that you have some very vulgar names for body parts (female, in particular), the "s" word, and that's about it. Then I guess you have "bitch," although, depending on the context, it's not necessarily that bad. Then you have the sorta minor swears that are still swears - hell, ass, damn. I mean, they can say those on TV! Then there's "crap." Pretty much a non-swear these days in the old U.S. of A.

In England, it's totally different. From what I can tell so far, crap, shit, and fuck are all about on the same level. Fuck might be a smidge more offensive, but not a whole lot. Remember the first scene of _Four Weddings and a Funeral_ when Hugh Grant wakes up late and says this lovely symphony of "fuck, fuck, fuckety, fuck?". That's pretty accurate. I think damn and hell are like in America, and ass is the same, just spelled arse. "Cunt" has the same stigma as in the U.S. and is very offensive here. There are also additional words here which may be added to your cursing vocabulary: bullocks (balls), wanker (also used in America, but a bit more common here), tosser (another insult - I think it also refers to masturbation), and fanny, which, again, means vagina. There's also tits, which just pretty much means breasts as far as I can tell. I haven't seen much stigma attached with just callin' 'em "tits." (btw, stayed tuned to this site for a future entry on the topic of said body part!)

So, yes, the English have wonderfully dirty mouths. And, since they do indeed love their pubs, if you get a beer or two in them, watch out! Although, as our friend Jon kindly pointed out, even if you're drunk you'd better know who you're dealing with before you pull out your "bitch" and your "nigger." Those are, I think rightly, greatly offensive.

*****THE SWEARING PORTION OF THIS ENTRY HAS ENDED, YOU MAY RESUME YOUR NORMAL READING (DO NOT READ ABOVE THIS MESSAGE)*****

As for non-profanities, it is rather impressive just how different American and British English are. Almost every conversation I have had here has required some adjustment either as speaker or listener. Pants are trousers, underwear are pants. If you like something you do, indeed, "fancy" it. Something really good might be "cracking." Instead of "How's it going?" or "How are you?" it's "How are you going?" (a personal favorite of mine!).

A tuxedo is a dinner suit (and you need one here). A cell phone is a mobile or mobile phone. Suspenders? Why, those are braces! And pants cuffs are turn-ups. A sweater is a jumper and I haven't yet figured out what a jumper is, but a dress is a frock and hose are tights - I guess tights are tights, too.

The only time I feel I must be particularly careful is at dinner. As I mentioned, most restaurants do provide the courtesy of marking their vegetarian selection, but you do have to watch out if they don't. Most pie here does have meat (no french silk or key lime!!). The cookies are biscuits, the chips are crisps, and the fries are chips. Arrugula is Rocket (cool!), all lettuce is salad, and squashes (eggplant included) go by their french names in most cases (aubergene in the case of eggplant). None of this is too big a deal, but you might be disappointed if you got something different than anticipated.

You might also be surprised at the fact that you do have to get used to the accents of people. Even the local DJs can be hard to understand. Not only do they use a lot of local slang I don't always know, they tend to speak quickly and mumble a bit. I find myself reading lips a fair amount (something I did often as a high school teacher in the states and have become rather adept at). The longer I'm here, though, the more I adapt and become used to the accent and the local usage. I have shared my Lonely Planet British Phrasebook with Jon, who had quite a time laughing at the regional words (from his home region) that he'd never heard.

Well, as we say in Florida, the old he-coon walks just before the light of day!

Posted by Erin at November 1, 2002 02:48 AM